My Story of Manipulative Relationships // Honest to Blog

I don't know how to start this post so I guess I'll just come out and say it: I was caught up in a manipulative/controlling relationship all through high school and even for a while after I graduated. And no, it wasn't a romantic relationship. I know some people think that you can't be in a bad "relationship" if it's not romantic. Let me be the first to inform you that this is not true

I'm the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family, so I've never had any older friends/family to look up to. So when I was a freshman in high school, and I met a girl who was several years older than me, who was talented and popular, and for some reason sought me out... well, I couldn't help but be flattered.

We spent every minute of the day talking and texting - even when I was with other friends or family - and looking back, I'm really embarrassed at how much I let her manipulate me.  I'm embarrassed that all she had to do was say a few words and I would do whatever she wanted. I'm embarrassed that I cut myself off from the rest of my family and friends because "no one else 'got' me." But I just have to keep telling myself that, hey! I was fifteen, full of hormones and emotions and a new Christian to boot.

But then things started to get worse. She blamed me for everything: I left her out, didn't love her enough, was too worldly, too focused on growing up, worried too much, talked too much, didn't help her enough, was a terrible friend, dressed badly, shouldn't like tattoos or colored hair, shouldn't be happy when she was sad, shouldn't be sad when she was happy, should talk to her all day long, answer her messages right away, not spend more time with my other friends than I did with her, be there whenever she needed any little thing and ask for nothing in return. She yelled at me, ignored my problems and demanded my attention.

Then I started to see things differently...

I tried reasoning with her. I tried begging her. I tried explaining to her. I yelled just to make my voice heard. But it made less than no difference. I got apologies but in the end it didn't last more than a couple days. We'd fight and I'd think this would be the end, she'd apologize and we'd try again.

In the end, I had to end it. But the pain didn't stop.

It was - and is - really hard, but the more I'm away from her the more my eyes have been open. Now I want to forgive her and get healthy again. I want to move on, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss her. I miss talking to her, and feeling like I had someone I could depend on no matter what.

Because even though I know it's unhealthy for me to be around her, I still love her so much. She has so much potential and so much good inside her if she could just take responsibility for her actions. 

So that's my story. And for those of you wondering, no, I am not writing this out of anger/revenge/bitterness/passive aggressiveness. I'm writing this out of the hope that maybe, just maybe, not hiding the hurt is the first step to healing. And in the hopes that if anyone reading this is going through a similar experience, they'll realize that they're not alone and no, they're not crazy or bad friends like I thought I was. I'm not an expert, but if anyone out there is going through something similar and just wants someone to listen/give an outside opinion/let them know that they're not alone, don't hesitate to drop me a line. My email is katie(at)beautifully-pure(dot)com. I know how exhausting/frusterating/heartbreaking a situation like this can be, and I'd love to everything I can to help.

God bless and I hope you all are having a great day.
♥

xo,

Katie Burry

Lately {Holidays + New Things}

1. Playing draw something with Maddie. My drawing skills are out of this world, y'all!

2. Designed a template for Molly's new blog, the Dahl House.

3. My NYE outfit

4. New Years Day feast.

5. I think I could live on bread and cheese.

6. I stumbled onto the mother load of sales at Maurice's last week!

7. Dreaming of summer + loving my new candle.

8. These are the coolest socks I have ever seen in my life! Thanks to my mum for buying them for me!

9. And finally, my new Dahl Clothes dress! It was a Christmas gift from Molly and I'm so excited to style it up!

1. Brave // Josh Groban

2. Part of Me // Katy Perry

3. I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift dubstep version.

4. Did I Make the Most of Loving You // Mary Jess

1. A new favorite from Josh Groban. The style of the song reminds me a lot of You Are Loved, and the lyrics/message is so moving!
2. What can I say? Sometimes Katy Perry speaks to me...
3. I'm not ususually a Taylor Swift fan, but I can't seem to get enough of the dubstep remixes of I Knew You Were Trouble! It's so unlike me!
4. For those of you that don't know, this is the theme song for Downton Abbey. The premier of season three was last night. SO. EXCITED.

1. Downton Abbey Season Three

2. Duck Dynasty

1. Like I said, the premier of season three was last night and I am more than ready to get back into that drama-filled goodness of a turn-of-the-century-soap-opera!
2. I don't really remember how my family started watching this show this week, but we did, and I have to say that it's actually really good! I just love country people!

Lately {Wreck it Ralph + Betsy Johnson Dresses}

1. I finally got When Can I See You Again on my iPod! So happy!

2. Got my very first Little Black Blag box with two Betsy Johnson bracelets in it! I love 'em!

3. My Urban Outfitters haul! Total spent: only thirty bucks! Score!

 

1. When Can I See You Again // Owl City

2. Part of Me // Katy Perry

3. Hot N Cold // Katy Perry

4. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together // Taylor Swift

1. Ok, I know that every time a new Owl City song comes out I'm like "it's a new Owl City song so of course I like it" but I really just want to talk about why I love Owl City so much. All of Adam Young's songs are just so happy, upbeat and encouraging. It echoes exactly how I try to look at life, and I love that.

2. Confession time: I had never heard this song before watching the movie, Part of Me. I know, where have I been? Under a rock!? But I'm making up for it by listening to it nearly non-stop now. It's such an encouraging song, and really puts into words a lot of what I've been feeling lately.

3. I bought this song on iTunes, since it said it was a "radio edit" but after buying it I realized that the "b" word is still in it. Boo! How is that a radio edit!? So now I just mute it when that part comes up since a) I already bought it and b) it's a fun, catchy song to listen to on the way to work.

4. This song is back on my playlist owing to the fact that it's also a very good vent for how I'm feeling lately.

 

1. Part of Me

2. Sherlock season 2

3. Wreck it Ralph

1. My mom and Maddie and I took the opourtunity of my dad being out of town to finally watch the Katy Perry movie. I. Loved. It! I've liked Katy Perry's style for a while now, but after seeing what an incredibly strong lady she is, I'm even more of a fan!
2. I finally got around to finishing season two of Sherlock! Yay! It was a really good episode despite feeling a bit rushed (but then, I thought all of the episodes in season two felt rushed), and I really liked getting a chance to see John and Sherlock's friendship again. I have to admit, though, that the ending didn't really hit me until the next day. So sad!
3. Loved it! I figured it would be pretty fantastic considering a) the preview looked great and b) there was an Owl City song in it, and it was really good! The little girl was super-duper cute, and the plot-line was really good - and don't even get me started on the soundtrack!

Lately {My Room + Magic Returns}

 

1. I wore a really cute outfit to work on Wednesday, but - due to a dead camera battery - I couldn't get any outfit photos. Boo!

2. I am completely addicted to caramel flavored candy corn.

3. My new dress + adorable note from Kaelah!

4. My pretty bed ready for me to get in it. ♥

5. I've always wanted a vanity, and now I finally have (a mini) one!

6. My new dress from the Forest Bootery. I'm in love with the collar on it!

7. Matchy-matchy!

8. Writing notes to myself before bed.

9. Just when I thought froyo couldn't get any better they make cake batter froyo!

1. Work of Art // Rachel Platten

2. We are Never Ever Getting Back Together // Taylor Swift

3. Get Back // Demi Lovato

4. Call Me Maybe // Carly Rae Jepsen

5. Good Time// Owl City

1. Yes, this is still on my playlist! What can I say? When I like a song I like it for a looooong time!

2. And yeah, so is this one. Taylor Swift is good for dealing with drama.

3. I used to loooove this song a couple years ago, and I'm definitely rekindling my love with it the past few weeks! ♥

4. This one snuck it's way back onto my playlist. *winks*

5. Ok, so in all honesty, I haven't really been listening to this song this week, but it came on at work yesterday when I was just exhausted/not feeling well and I swear it was like a miracle! ♥

1. Doctor Who Season 7

2. The Help

3. Once Upon a Time Season 2

1. Finally finished the fall part of season 7 of Doctor Who. I thought that the season finale was the best written episode of the bunch and was very well satisfied with the way they summed everything up. I have to admit, though, that I'm still wary of Oswin - I wasn't a particular fan of her in the Asylum of the Daleks... What did you all think? Leave me a comment - I'm dying to discus it with other Whovians!

2. I love this movie - a lot. Emma Stone is so fantastic and the entire movie is just so well written/acted. And since Bryce Dallas Howard is also a favorite actress of mine,  having her in there can only make it more awesome! (Even if her character is pure evil.)

3. Am I the only one excited about the return of Once Upon a Time?? I thought last season was fantastic, and I have really high hopes for this season. I'm a really curious/a little unsure as to how the whole "magic-in-this-world" thing will pan out, but that's probably just because I've become sort of used to being disappointed in my favorite shows lately. *winks*

P.S. Do you all like the new fonts in this post? I decided to switch it up and use something other than Lullaby for once, and so far I really like it! ♥

Lately... {Owl City + a Flea Market + Doctor Who}

1. Uploading my newest makeup video

2. Feelin' great in a dress + heels + bold makup on my day off

3. Bruschetta for dinner while watching Captain America after work

4. Me and my friend Ethan at the flea market on Saturday (post coming later this week!)

5. Jammy Dodgers to celebrate the Doctor Who season premier

6. My kitty was mad that I wouldn't let her eat Maddie's string cheese

1. Dreams and Disasters // Owl City

2. I'm Coming After You // Owl City

3. Metropolis // Owl City

4. Bombshell Blonde // Owl City

5. We are Never Ever Getting Back Together // Taylor Swift

1. This just might be my favorite song on the Midsummer Station. The music is fantastic and I loooove the lyrics "I wanna feel alive forever... follow the light through the dreams and disasters." I want to live my life - I want to feel alive and the only way to do that is to go through the "dreams and disasters. This is one of those songs where I feel like Adam Young has written exactly what I feel.
2. This song is so. much. fun! I love it! It's really upbeat and so much fun to drive to! Not the deepest of Owl City songs, but really fun nonetheless. ;D
3. This song is probably tie for my favorite song. It reminds me of a rainy day in the city - maybe that's why I love it so much. I love the chorus of "I left my heart in metropolis" because that's how I feel every time I got to Chicago and then have to come home. ♥
4. Not one of the best Owl City songs as far as lyrics go (not that their bad - just not as deep and sweet as usual) but let me tell you it's great for days where you just feel so fetching!
5. I'm not really a super huge fan of this song, but it's very catchy and I've found myself listening to it (I have to have something to listen to in between the Midsummer Station songs - I don't want to get sick of them, you know!) I will say, though, that music video is really weird... *wide eyes*

 

1. Contagion

2. Downton Abbey

3. Doctor Who season 7

1. When I first saw the preview for this movie I though it looked really good, and last week I finally got to see it! It. Was. Fantastic! And I'm honestly really surprised that I liked it, because usually I'm more of a "happily-ever-after" kind of gal, and this was - to quote Maddie - definitely "not the feel good film of the year!" It was an engaging plot, though, full of suspense, and the acting was superb, too! But let's be honest: with Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Gwyneth Paltro was there ever any doubt that it'd be good??

2. Over the past few days my family has become addicted to this show! We finished the first episode on Friday night and are now just one episode away from finishing the first season! It's the kind of show where you just have to find out what happens, and - despite a few historical inaccuracies - I'm really enjoying it. Who'd have thought that soap opera set in the early 1900's could be so good??

3. Started this on Saturday night, and - I know I'm going to slapped silly for saying this, but - I wasn't hugely impressed. I won't give anything away for those of you who haven't seen it yet, but I feel like they built up stuff in the previews and just glossed over it. I thought those elements were going to play much more into the next four episodes - not be summed up in the first one! I'm a little disapointed, but hoping that the rest of the season makes up for it. *winks*

Lately {Eating Out + Fashionable TV}

1. The cap to my iced tea is filled with wisdom. lol

2. My dad and Maddie and I went out for lunch and all three of us got a salad.

3. I love that TGI Friday's carries non-alcoholic slushies. Nicer than a diet coke without having to be 21 or older. *winks*

1. I Live Alone // Sky Sailing

2. Explorers // Sky Sailing

3. Embers // Owl City

4. Enchanted // Taylor Swift

1. This is one of my favorite songs by Sky Sailing. It's such a sweet melody, and I love how this song is sorta about wanting to grow up and see the world and chasing your dreams - at least, that's what I got from it. Sky Sailing is the kind of band, I think, where everyone could get something different from the same songs.

2. Another Sky Sailing song. All of Sky Sailing's songs remind me of summer days and lush fields bathed in summer light - so basically they remind me of the time I spend at my aunt and uncle's ranch in Black, Missouri.

3. Earlier this week Adam Young had Embers steaming for one day only. In my years of using the internet I've learned a thing or two - like how if you don't re-load a page you can continue playing whatever video/audio tracks are on that page. Needless to say I've been listening to this song a lot. I don't want to go into a real review right now because I'm saving that for next week, but let's just say that so far it's one of my favorite songs from the new album. *winks*

4. I love this song as long as I don't think of who it was written for, and what happened after it was released (Taylor Swift what were you thinking!?). lol

1. How to Steal a Million

2. Jane by Design

3. Charade

1. Finally finished How to Steal a Million with Audrey Hepburn. It started out a little slow, but once everything was explained and the story really got started it was really interesting!

2. I also finally finished the season finale of Jane by Design - just in time to learn that there will not, in fact, be a second season. Why does ABC just love to cancel my favorite shows?

3. Friday night my mom and dad and I watched Charade while Maddie was at a sleep over. I loved it! It's your classic 1960's spy film with a cute little romance in it, too. I think it's my second favorite Audrey Hepburn film (you just can't beat Breakfast at Tiffany's!) and it only helped that Cary Grant was in it - I love him!

Summer Mixtape // Music Monday

Since it is the beginning of summer, I decided that instead of sharing just one song today, I would borrow Bonnie from Flashes of Style's idea and share a select few of my all time favorite summer songs. I hope you all enjoy them. If you want to, leave a comment with one - or a few - of your favorite summer songs. I'd love to check them out! ♥

Honey and the Bee // Owl City

Way to Mandalay // Blackmore's Night

Lazy Day // Enya

Kamikaze // Owl City

Hidden Away // Josh Groban

You Belong with Me // Taylor Swift

Flora's Secret // Enya

Renaissance Faire // Blackmore's Night

Underneath the Sycamore // Death Cab for Cutie

Umbrella Beach // Owl City

Eyes Open by Taylor Swift // Music Monday

Ok, so I have an confession: I am not a fan of the Hunger Games. The movie was ok, and I found myself liking Katniss, but after reading a summery of the last two books, I can tell that it's definitely not my kind of story.

I do, however, really like this song from the soundtrack. It's by Taylor Swift, and I'm able to relate to it a lot. ♥

Owl City's Captains and Cruise Ships // Music Monday #22

I found this song a couple weeks ago and I love it! It's just so innocent and sweet and bouncy. None of those "you consume me" sort of songs, just "I like you." I love it! ♥

Deer in the Headlights // Daily Outfit

{dress//Red Dress Shoppe :: white skirt//thrifted :: belt//thrifted :: cardigan//my mom's :: necklace//ModCloth :: hair clips//H&M :: boots//Blowfish Shoes :: make up//Keiko Lynn}

A lot has changed in the past couple years, I've lost some really good friends, and sometimes it's just so sad to think back on all the fun we used to have. But, in retrospect I've also gained some amazing new friends. And it's so funny because sometimes I'm so shy I feel like a Deer in the Headlights, and at other times I feel positively fearless. I think they understand me better than anyone else - it's certainly easier for me to be myself around them than anyone else. I don't feel judged. I don't feel like a weirdo. I just feel loved and important and like me - and sometimes that means being a Deer in the Headlights.

One thing I know, though, is that I have some of the most amazing friends in the world, and I'm so, so thankful for them. ♥

Music Monday #19 - Taylor Swift's Fearless

Fearless has been a favorite song of mine almost as long as I've had this blog.

When I started this blog I was still finding myself. I was sixteen years old and just getting of a long writing novels/loving Celtic Folk music phase and I wasn't really sure of anything I was doing. I worried about what people said lots, and I was really struck by the way Taylor said "Fearless" in the chorus of this song. Not like she was describing her actions, but as if she were describing herself - at least that's how it seemed to me - and I loved the idea of that. The idea of being able to be fearless, and not care what other people thought of me. So the tagline for my blog became "Beautifully pure, beautifully fearless." I had it all over - on my Twitter, Chictopia, FaceBook, etc. Slowly it got replaced though, as I needed to be reminded of it less and less.

I re-found this song the other day after months of not really listening to it, and this time a new line caught my attention. "You take my hand and drag me head first - fearless." I love the idea of someone just - being so awesome I can't help but let them see the real me. I would "dance in storm in my best dress" with someone like that - or, as I prefer to say: I'd run through space and time with someone like that. :)