I don't know how to start this post so I guess I'll just come out and say it: I was caught up in a manipulative/controlling relationship all through high school and even for a while after I graduated. And no, it wasn't a romantic relationship. I know some people think that you can't be in a bad "relationship" if it's not romantic. Let me be the first to inform you that this is not true
I'm the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family, so I've never had any older friends/family to look up to. So when I was a freshman in high school, and I met a girl who was several years older than me, who was talented and popular, and for some reason sought me out... well, I couldn't help but be flattered.
We spent every minute of the day talking and texting - even when I was with other friends or family - and looking back, I'm really embarrassed at how much I let her manipulate me. I'm embarrassed that all she had to do was say a few words and I would do whatever she wanted. I'm embarrassed that I cut myself off from the rest of my family and friends because "no one else 'got' me." But I just have to keep telling myself that, hey! I was fifteen, full of hormones and emotions and a new Christian to boot.But then things started to get worse. She blamed me for everything: I left her out, didn't love her enough, was too worldly, too focused on growing up, worried too much, talked too much, didn't help her enough, was a terrible friend, dressed badly, shouldn't like tattoos or colored hair, shouldn't be happy when she was sad, shouldn't be sad when she was happy, should talk to her all day long, answer her messages right away, not spend more time with my other friends than I did with her, be there whenever she needed any little thing and ask for nothing in return. She yelled at me, ignored my problems and demanded my attention.
Then I started to see things differently...
I tried reasoning with her. I tried begging her. I tried explaining to her. I yelled just to make my voice heard. But it made less than no difference. I got apologies but in the end it didn't last more than a couple days. We'd fight and I'd think this would be the end, she'd apologize and we'd try again.
In the end, I had to end it. But the pain didn't stop.
It was - and is - really hard, but the more I'm away from her the more my eyes have been open. Now I want to forgive her and get healthy again. I want to move on, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss her. I miss talking to her, and feeling like I had someone I could depend on no matter what.
Because even though I know it's unhealthy for me to be around her, I still love her so much. She has so much potential and so much good inside her if she could just take responsibility for her actions.
So that's my story. And for those of you wondering, no, I am not writing this out of anger/revenge/bitterness/passive aggressiveness. I'm writing this out of the hope that maybe, just maybe, not hiding the hurt is the first step to healing. And in the hopes that if anyone reading this is going through a similar experience, they'll realize that they're not alone and no, they're not crazy or bad friends like I thought I was. I'm not an expert, but if anyone out there is going through something similar and just wants someone to listen/give an outside opinion/let them know that they're not alone, don't hesitate to drop me a line. My email is katie(at)beautifully-pure(dot)com. I know how exhausting/frusterating/heartbreaking a situation like this can be, and I'd love to everything I can to help.
God bless and I hope you all are having a great day.