"Close your tired eyes, relaxing them.
Count from one to ten and open them.
All these heavy thoughts will try to weigh you down. But not this time."
~ Shooting Star by Owl City
Lately I feel like the whole world is resting on my shoulders. My life hasn't always been easy, and I can testify to the saying that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I'm not the happy-go-lucky optimist most people think I am. I'm an optimist by choice because it was either that or be a cynical pessimist for the rest of my life and I didn't want that.
The thing is, I'm a fighter. I always have been and I always will be. That's not going to change. I'm also incredibly protective of those I live. My attitude is "say whatever you want about me - I'll just laugh it off and then go prove you wrong - but if you hurt those I love, then you'll pay." I feel the need to take care of everyone and I run myself into the ground trying to.
Because the truth is, I don't always have the answers. I don't always have the strength to go on - but I feel like I should. Sometimes I just want to be sad, or be alone, or just take care of me but I feel guilty about that. I'm the one who is supposed to take care of everyone else. Who am I not to have the answers? Who am I to want to take care of myself when everyone else needs me so badly?
Sometimes I forget that I'm just one girl barely out of high school. I'm my own worst enemy because I demand stuff of myself that one one else would dare to expect from me. I place burdens on myself that aren't mine and shouldn't be mine to bare. But I don't know how not to. I don't know how to say "right now I need to take care of myself, and I'll help you later" without feeling like a terrible sister and friend.
I don't know how to just be me.
Edit: This dress was part of another swap with Lauren of Someone Like You. You can see how she styled it here.
♥ ♥ ♥
dress: borrowed from Lauren of Someone Like You
flats: c/o Blowfish Shoes
jeans: Old Navy