My life is not perfect - far from it. There is a lot in my life I desperately wish I could change. Most of my life I've felt isolated and completely alone. Even after I became a Christian. I still refused to ask for help in the hardest areas of my life - even from my Heavenly Father. Instead I blamed other people for the sorrows in my life and played the helpless victim. I acted up to get attention. The ways were different, but the reasons were the same. I thought I had to be strong - not let anyone see how broken I was inside.
December, 2009 - when I was into darker things (dark, for me).
Last winter, however, something happened. I was so exhausted from always keeping everything pent up I finally broke down and briefly told my two best friends about my problems. A couple days later I really broke down and, tired and crying I opened up and told my newly-acquired big sister everything. I learned something, too - she had the same problems.
June, 2009 - my extreme vintage/dressy phase
I also realized that I don't have to go through this by myself. I have someone who understands me, and wants to help me, and my Heavenly Father who will take care of me. I'm not alone.
That realization helped me a ton. I realized that parts of my life suck, and even though it isn't from anything I did, I can't change it. But I can change my attitude. I can stop blaming others, stop pouting and accept it for what it is. I can also pray about my faults and work on them so I won't make the same mistakes I've seen others make.
June, 2010 - Me now
All of this has given me a new confidence. I am myself. I'm no longer afraid to be myself. If you don't like me as I am then that's too bad, because God has made me special, and He has a plan for me, and I'm not changing for any earthly person.
"Fearless" June, 2010 - Me now
So, for those of you who may be thinking "Wow! Katie certainly has changed a lot this past year!" I havn't - not really. My attitude has changed, but the rest is just me growing up, learning not to pout and be a drama queen, and finally having the courage to by myself.
I'm beautifully me, and beautifully fearless. <3
First Outfit Details:
Shirt: Charlotte Russe
Scarf: Icing
Jeans: So...
Second Outfit Details:
Jeans: The Limited
Shirt: Old Navy
Purse: Charlotte Russe
Shoes: Old Navy
Headband: Forever 21
Third Outfit Details:
Jeans: Old Navy
Shoes: Kohls
Shirt: Candies
Belt: Thrifted
Headband: Homeade
Shirt: Charlotte Russe
Scarf: Icing
Jeans: So...
Second Outfit Details:
Jeans: The Limited
Shirt: Old Navy
Purse: Charlotte Russe
Shoes: Old Navy
Headband: Forever 21
Third Outfit Details:
Jeans: Old Navy
Shoes: Kohls
Shirt: Candies
Belt: Thrifted
Headband: Homeade
Well, you said not to say, "Wow, Katie has changed a lot in the past year!" But I can't help it. I have definitely felt that new attitude from you, and it is beautiful to see, even if I can't see you in person. Wow. So amazing. :) I am struggling to learn to trust God right now (in a way that sounds suspiciously similar), so thank you so much for posting this. I love you. :)
ReplyDeleteYOU. are amazing, it takes a lot for someone your age to see that. keep on going strong, it'll pay off.
ReplyDeleteHey, just found your blog, what a great post! Keep it up! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Katie!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog and leaving those comments :) It's so great to find another modest fashionista. I don't think a lot of Christians are like us, and I really think that they are missing a HUGE part of purity and holiness.
Glad to read about your openness in your struggles! I think part of the healing is letting other people know about and carry your burdens. It's part of God's command in Gal 6:2. Until my sister-in-law told me about this verse, I didn't really tell anyone else about my struggles except in prayer. It's such a relief to find other people who stand for modesty. I think it's such a blessing and part of the overall healing. I still struggle with it sometimes to be honest, but God always has ways to keep you from going astray!
Would love to keep in touch!
Rachel