Tuesday, June 11, 2013

How I Became the Sea


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I'd be lying if I said I never thought of you anymore. I'd be lying if I said nothing ever reminded me of you. Shoot, I'd even be lying if I said I never cried for you. But I'd also be lying if I said that I didn't know that would get less and less every day. I'd be lying if I said there was still a hole in my heart left by you.

I have good days where you never cross my mind. I'm so happy with my life right now. I know that you probably think I've wandered off the straight and narrow path. That I've given into the world. It makes me happy to thing that I'll never have to undergo your judgement about that again. I feel free knowing that you can do now is judge me from afar. I don't have to deal with your judgement anymore.

But I also have bad days. Where I miss having a "best" friend. I don't have a best friend right now - at least, not the way you and I used to be. But that's a good thing. Sometimes I envy my friends who are "bffs" and so close. They do some of the things you and I used to do, but now I'm on my own in that sense. But then I think back to how closed off I was back then. How you were the only person I had room for in my life - and I know that I wouldn't go back to that even if I could. I feel like the person that was cowering inside myself our whole friendship has finally busted out and I love her. I love who I am, and I know you wouldn't approve.

I've made peace with who I am and how I got here. I can look back on our friendship and smile on them as part of my past. That's all behind me and "no one can be mad [or sad!] about the past!" as Phoebe would say.

I know I'm not what you thought I was.

xo,

Katie Burry

5 comments:

  1. Ah, this reminds me of a relationship I was in.
    Even though I'm married now, I still feel a little hole in my heart when I look back. But I knew it would never work out and that I'm a different person now who is proud to say that I'm not completely closed off to only one person now :)

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  2. Oh girl, that's life. Sadly. But you'll find someone new. That sounds like cliche advice, but it's just true. Getting by on your own is good for you, though.

    http://honestbadger.blogspot.com/

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  3. Nice post! http://differentcands.blogspot.kr/

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  4. about a year ago i cut ties w/ a bff, although we'd been drifting for about a year so it was kind of expected. it's always for the better though, and i just look at it as a good excuse to rejuvenate yourself, find new interests, exercise more, and spend more time w/ family. beautiful writing and sending you a big hug dear.
    Cuddly Cacti
    Mitla Moda

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