I just wanna throw my phone away
Find out who is really there for me
You ripped me off, your love was cheap
Was always tearing at the seams
I fell deep and you let me drown
But that was then and this is now...
Now look at me, I'm sparkling
A firework, a dancing flame
You won't ever put me out again
I'm glowing, oh woah oh
...
In fact you can keep everything
Yeah, yeah
Except for me
This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your sticks and stones
Throw your bombs and your blows
But you're not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your bombs and your blows
But you're not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me, no
~ Part of me by Katy Perry
Sometimes in relationships - be they the romantic kind of just friendships - you can get to the point when you realize that the other person in the relationship doesn't really have your best interests at heart anymore. That they just keep taking and taking without really offering to give back, and that you've lost yourself because it was so much easier to suck it up and do what they wanted rather than hear about it from them later. Well, I've been there very recently...
Looking back on the past year I can't believe how much I stifled myself just to make one of my friendships work. I didn't post on blog about things I wanted to because I knew it would cause problems - even things that weren't even about anyone else, but just how I was feeling. (How pathetic is that?) And I can't believe that I didn't notice it at the time! I mean, when someone all but forgets your golden/eighteenth birthday for months, and you don't say anything because you know it will just get your friend ticked off at you, it ought to be a pretty bit indicator that this friendship isn't working, right?? But I put up with it for months and months as the friendship dragged on, and now that it's over, I just feel so weird...
I know it's for the best, and no one can convince me otherwise but it's still so hard. It's hard to see someone I love so much and not really recognizing them... But hard as it is I know it's the right thing, I know I'm stronger for doing the right thing, and - honestly - I've never felt more like myself than I do right now. No more worrying what people are going to think when they see what I wore that day, or when they read that I'm stressed out about a friend. I am me because you know what? I'm a single girl, and I don't have to answer to my friends for behavior that doesn't concern them. I mean, I'm totally fine with friends talking to me if they think I'm behaving badly, but I cannot handle them acting like it's their duty to save me. I'm almost nineteen years old and I'm old enough to make decisions for myself, and I really, really just want to be myself. ♥
♥ ♥ ♥
dress: thriftstore
cardigan: ModCloth
belt: Francesca's Collections
cardigan: ModCloth
belt: Francesca's Collections
shoes: Libby Edelman via Lori's Shoes
bracelet: gift from my parents
ring: Target
jeans: Forever 21
lipstick: MAC in Lickable
Title: Part of Me by Katy Perry
Title: Part of Me by Katy Perry
I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Been there and kind of still am. In the last 2 years, I've lost any and all friends that I had. They mostly grew up, got busy, went to college.. and forgot about me. I was pretty bitter about it for awhile but then I realized how those negative thoughts were keeping me from growing further in life. I was letting people run my life that weren't even IN my life anymore. So pathetic!
ReplyDeleteI can say that letting go of all negative people and those that didn't have my best interest at heart was one of the best things ever. At the end of the day, it's your life and you're the one who is living it, not them.
Keep on doing what you're doing and stay strong. You're doing a great job already! :)
(also love the song you chose - one of my faves by KP!)
I think that late teens/early twenties is when you really figure out what you want/need in your life, and what you don't, and these can include people. It's when you figure out who is really your true friend and who is just there because you've known them for forever. I'm glad you were able to make the right decision and end things. Nothing is worth sacrificing yourself.
ReplyDeleteLove your outfit!
ReplyDeleteI've lost a couple of friends who I had thought were some of my best friends over the years, and it's hard, really hard when you were so close, but in the end, like you said, it's for the best. And it does help us grow. To them, I was immature and silly, but I wanted to be who I was, and I didn't want to continually feel as though I was being judged--which I hate, and I already get way too much of that in life.
Anyway, it sounds like you made the right decision, even though it's so hard now. And it's always best to be yourself--as Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, "And above all else, to thine own self be true."(:
~Vicki
deckedoutinruffles.blogspot.com
That is really a wonderful thing that you have learned! I know it is hard to lose friends. I had one that I had to "walk on eggshells around" for a long time and when things got really bad and we had to part our separate ways, it actually felt like a large weight lifted from my shoulders. Do you feel like that? It is really sad to lose people you love, but it is harder when you can't even be your own person around them, as if you have to always please them.
ReplyDelete+Victoria+
I love the color and the back of this dress! So perfect. I would totally wear this dress all the time.
ReplyDeleteLearning lessons about people, friendships, and realizing that you need to put yourself first is a very important and hard thing to come to terms with. I'm glad you're figuring it out -- you deserve better.