{Via We Heart It. Original source unknown.}Sometimes I feel like a caged animal. I can see all the world before me, but am unable to obtain it - unable to even reach out for it. My life is become a monotony. Every passing day is just another number to mark off, while I am going nowhere. I spend my days doing the very things I did when I was fourteen with very little change.
In five months I will turn eighteen. I have looked forward to this birthday for a long time, as I will finally be able to start my life, but I fear it will not be as I have hoped. The chances of me getting my drivers license is slim to none as I have but five short months to learn how to drive and I haven't even got my permit yet. What's the good of having a birthday if it is nothing more than a reminder that you are not, in fact, experiencing a time loop.
I want to have adventures. I want to open my own shoppe. I want to fall in love - with life, I want to fall more and more in love with my Savior, and, of course, I want to be married some day. But in the mean time I sit at home. School. Chores. School. Chores. The only break from the tedium I get is when I blog. Only then do I feel like I am actually living - not just surviving.
{Via Favim.com. Original source unknown}So that is what I do. I hide in my room and try to imagine the bars of my cage away. I dream of all I do when the bars fall away and I am free. I love my family, but I can enjoy them from the freedom of my cage. I can fly away and return at night. I can love and be free.
My dear girl, you might find this awfully silly of me or perhaps childish, but I have been where you are standing now. And I got out. My advice to you is this, those cage bars will rust away and break apart eventually. You are young, and have a full life to live. And I have no doubt that you will.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was beautiful and I can relate so much. Hang in there! Whenever I think of my cage (I believe it's 'childhood') and getting out, I imagine how scary it probably is outside and how hard I'll want to get back in someday. I study this topic from all angles. It's a difficult thing to talk about.
ReplyDeleteOur time will come :)
So beautifully and perfectly written... I can relate to you on an entire spectrum of various ideas of this post. So often I,too feel like my life is going no where and I'm just wasting away into nothing... Hang in there dear, I know we'll both make it through and have the beautiful lives we dream of. I'll be praying for you <3
ReplyDeleteYou already started your life in the past. You are wonderful and don't need to wait until you are 18 to live at all. I'm sorry you feel so caged in. I can understand how one would feel that way especially with being homeschooled, even with co-ops and such. I am sure you'll fall in love more and more with LIFE with the Lord and that He will help direct your path. I am so glad you are looking towards Him!!
ReplyDeleteThings change so quickly...before you know it you will be having new responsibilities and challenges, and after awhile you may find yourself looking back fondly on the time when you were able to lay on the grass and watch the bugs, or lean out the window and smell the night air as long as you wanted, or write stories, or draw sketches...in other words, this time in your life has a freedom of it's own. I know, I was there; now I am in the time of beautiful responsibility...3 children and a dear husband. 18 and at home can be a wonderful time for dreaming and learning. Thanks for stopping by my page, and your comment on my dress. :-)
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