"Close your tired eyes, relaxing them.
Count from one to ten and open them.
All these heavy thoughts will try to weigh you down. But not this time."
~ Shooting Star by Owl City
Lately I feel like the whole world is resting on my shoulders. My life hasn't always been easy, and I can testify to the saying that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I'm not the happy-go-lucky optimist most people think I am. I'm an optimist by choice because it was either that or be a cynical pessimist for the rest of my life and I didn't want that.
The thing is, I'm a fighter. I always have been and I always will be. That's not going to change. I'm also incredibly protective of those I live. My attitude is "say whatever you want about me - I'll just laugh it off and then go prove you wrong - but if you hurt those I love, then you'll pay." I feel the need to take care of everyone and I run myself into the ground trying to.
Because the truth is, I don't always have the answers. I don't always have the strength to go on - but I feel like I should. Sometimes I just want to be sad, or be alone, or just take care of me but I feel guilty about that. I'm the one who is supposed to take care of everyone else. Who am I not to have the answers? Who am I to want to take care of myself when everyone else needs me so badly?
Sometimes I forget that I'm just one girl barely out of high school. I'm my own worst enemy because I demand stuff of myself that one one else would dare to expect from me. I place burdens on myself that aren't mine and shouldn't be mine to bare. But I don't know how not to. I don't know how to say "right now I need to take care of myself, and I'll help you later" without feeling like a terrible sister and friend.
I don't know how to just be me.
Edit: This dress was part of another swap with Lauren of Someone Like You. You can see how she styled it here.
♥ ♥ ♥
dress: borrowed from Lauren of Someone Like You
belt: H&M
jacket: Ebay
flats: c/o Blowfish Shoes
jeans: Old Navy
cardigan: ModCloth
necklace: Target
You are very cute and lilacs are pretty.
ReplyDelete(I think, taking a break for yourself is a good thing)
Love your outfit. The grey is awesome.
ReplyDeleteIts so important to take care of yourself, but I know it can be hard. Especially when you want to help everyone around you.
For me I always think I don't need to take care of myself because someone else has it worse than me, but that is no way to live. We all need care and rest and good things.
Thanks for being so honest in this post.
xx, C
Yes! That is the other thing I do! It's really bad of me, though. You're totally right about all of us needing care and rest. <3
DeleteAnd no, thank you for listening + taking the time to respond. Being able to pour out my thoughts on here helps me so much, and I'm so incredibly thankful for sweet people like you who take the time to respond and share your own opinions/thoughts/experiences. <3
Hi Katie! I'm so sorry bout being awful about commenting lately, but this post of yours just about broke my heart. I had some rouph times growing up too and always expect crazy things of myself, so I really feel for you. Just keep your chin up and keep at it dear, because that it so much better than the alternitive. (It's just no fun being unhappy and bitter, even though it can really stink, it works out and trying your best to be happy for yourself leads to you being happy.)
ReplyDeleteI've been having fun seeing these outfit swaps between you and Lauren, it's so fun to see how you two style our outfits. I really love how you wore the jeans under the dress, you made that work and look good!
I hope things start looking up for you dear!
you look darling in lauren's swapped dress. just know that figuring out who you are is a life long process. maybe you put too much pressure on yourself?
ReplyDeleteFirstly, you look absolutely adorable in this grey lace dress from Lauren. it look amazing on you! Don't be afraid to be who you want, what you want, whenever you want. I've always tried to please people but it came to a point when I just felt that I was truly unhappy and just disliked a whole lot about my life and environemt. I picked myself up and reminded myself that I really am my own worst enemy and that if I am not honest with myself and don't change my mindset, I will never truly be happy. Feel better soon!
ReplyDeletex Aliya
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