I thought I would share some of the photos of me that my friend, Christina took yesterday when we went on our photo shoot.
Sometimes I like to pretend I am an old fashioned princess - adored by many - just to escape the reality of my lonely, dull life. I'm like every other girl - I want to be loved. I want to feel important to someone. I've thought of myself as slow to trust for a while (I don't ever assume anything. If you want me to know I'm special to you, you'll have to tell me, because otherwise, no matter what you do, I am going to believe I am nothing to you). And once my trust is broken it takes a while for me to work up the courage to open up again. Yet lately I've been surprised at the people to whom I will open up. People I never would have expected it to be easy to talk to.
{Photo Credit}
Despite what I may seem, I am actually very insecure - especially so this year. I am constantly worrying about what others think of me, and I always think the worst of compliments. Someone will ask me if I model, or say that I should, and in my head I hear "you have nothing more to offer than how you look." So I guess it's no wonder that I naturally gravitate towards people who I feel listen to, and care for me. People who I feel I can be myself around - my whole self, and not just an empty shell of my real self. And some of those people are the last people I - or anyone else, I think - would have expected it to be, and yet, in what seems a very short time to me, they have already become like family to me. I wonder if they'll ever know that. I said nearly as much (as close it as shy little me will get) the other day, but I still can't help wondering. I guess that even though I don't admire Taylor Swift nearly as much as I did before Speak Now came out, there is still one trait of her's I'm jealous of - her ability to tell people just how much the mean to her. That's something that's very hard for me to do.
I absolutely love your photo! what camera do u use?
ReplyDeleteThose photos seem to have a sense of longing, they are beautiful! For me, I am very loving, but cannot stand to be touched. All in all, beautiful post and beautiful girl. (PS, thank you for commenting on my post a while back. It meant the world to me)
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite post of yours.. Your friend did a lovely job capturing your ephemeral beauty, and these shots are amazing..
ReplyDeleteAbout your post, I can honestly and truly relate to it. I actually just did a somewhat similar post.
I'm really glad to know you<3
i find it hard to trust people and open up ~ i have to feel like it's a real safe environment for my feelings if that makes sense?! and i have also had problems with self esteem over the years but am slowly getting much better at this!!
ReplyDeletei love the photos, so ethereal and beautiful
x
Long have I loved everything about your blog. Your sweet disposition. Your darling little outfits. Your thoughtful, always inquisitive writings.
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite post of yours of all time. I feel like you took the thoughts out of my jumbled up head and put them clearly in this blog post.
One of my biggest issues I always feel like I have is that I'm incapable of being loved. So many people in my life have just tried me on and then thrown me away. They leave me feeling hopeless and wishing that I could be loved. That just one person could want someone like me. Thankfully I have suportive and loving family and a wonderful boyfriend, but I just long to be wanted and loved by a friend. Even if it's just one.
You are wonderful and just know that. You have so many followers who generally care about you. I know I sure am one!
These pictures are amazing! I also LOVE the new look of your blog- did you do it all yourself? I am terrible with computers in general, especially with design!
ReplyDeleteThe jar of buttons is so cute! What a great job! Be sure to enter my £100 ASOS giveaway!
ReplyDeletex
www.lostinthehaze.com
First of all, I am gonna kill my ipod. :P I had a nice long comment all typed out, and then it deleted it.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, you were right -- you were sooooo right! You totally perfected that dress! I love how you shortened the sleeves, and how you hemmed the dress. :D It is soo cute now!! It looks absolutely adorable!
It reminds me of a fairy from one of Cicely Mary Barker's paintings, or one of ours stepping right out of Senna. Only you're prettier (in more ways than one) :) <3 <3 <3
You know, when I am gone, I shall miss you lots!! I'll be going back to the place where we spent so much time together, and it won't be the same without you. <3 However, I plan on writing you often. It is much more old-fashioned anyway.
I also plan on commenting on your blog -- I'm only sorry that I haven't been good at that. :P I always feel a bit disappointed when I check your blog and you haven't posted, just so you know. :)
Anyway, without more ado, I love this post very dearly, and I love you so much! I hope you always know that. *hugs*
*dances away into a chicory dotted field*
~Flora
i'm just replying to your comment on my blog, but wanted to make sure you got it!... i have strongly suspected for a long time i am borderline bipolar. i have suffered from depression and eating disorders and mood swings and ups and downs for about 9 years. thank GOD things are much better at the moment. but yes, sounds like you are extreme in your moods a bit like me?
ReplyDeletethanks for the song suggestions, I will definitely check out the tracks you suggested :-)
oh and i love the jar of buttons in this post, i forgot to say that yesterday <3
x
I am sorry you feel like you have a hard time trusting and opening up to people. I hope that in time you'll feel more comfortable though. These are beautiful shots.
ReplyDelete